Just now I realized something. I have absolutely nothing to do. In 3 out of four classes, I just took a midterm. My tuition and my rent are paid until the end of the semester. I really and truly at this moment have nothing at all that needs doing. So why do I feel so shitty?

Maybe it's the grey skies. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't get enough sleep last night. Maybe it's one of a million things. But right now I have no discernable pressures but something still isn't right.

I guess I'm at a loss. I need something to do with my time for the rest of the night. This wouldn't be a problem if I had friends here that I could jsut call up and ask to hang out. Or just go over to there place unannounced. I wish I had that. I guess it may be too soon to really complain about such things. Then again, even with most of my financial worries taken care of for the present cash is still tight.

I guess what I really want is a job, just a simple thing reallly. Someone who is willing to give me a chance to work for a living. It's a real problem trying to apply for jobs when you're grossly limited by the distance that you can walk. I spent half of yesterday calling different places to see if I could get hired. 0, big fat 0. I can't get a foot in the door. The only places that are hiring want people to work during the day, but I have classes then. It's sort of a moot point since I have classes at night as well. So the only time that I could feasibly work, the morning, noone needs anyone for. Let's face it, there are no part time jobs in the fucking morning, I had one last year, but apparently that was some sort of fluke.

Dammit. Why can't things just work out for once. I don't think I ask for much. A job, an education. Unfortunately it looks like these things are impossible sometimes.

Sometimes I just want to take all my principles, shove them in a dumpster, throw gasoline on them and light up a fucking inferno. Then go join the Marines, march to a third world oil rich country, blast the fuck out of the unsuspecting untrained farmer defenders and rape their sisters.

Maybe the raping of the sisters is going a little to far. But it seems like that's the only way to make a living any more, join the fucking army. It's the only thing that's making money these days. Did I say making money? I meant that it's the only thing the stupid ass government spends money on. Have you ever seen a missile feed people? How about seeing a tank plow a field? Or raise crops? Or anything other than kill and destroy? Fuck. I just want to live. I just want to be free to think and believe whatever I think is good. I want the right to smear green jello all over my body and run naked through the streets screaming fuck the USA. Why? Because I might suddenly feel the need to, that's why. Thank you very much Mr. Edgar Friendly.

It just all seems so impossible.

Enough of that though.

Let's put things in perspective though. Clinton got head from a few interns and smoked some reefer. Bush snorted coke, got drunk and drove his car into some bushes. Those are our leaders people. These are the people we elected...oh wait, one of them isn't. Never mind, I thought I had a point there.