Last night I got a totally new perspective. I've often had sympathy for the one or two girls at sausage-fest parties but now I can relate to it on a whole new level. Last night seemed like open legs night at Sawil's place.

Sawil had come over the night before to see Thomas and, I guess, invite him to her birthday party (the party last night). As she was on her way out she said hello and told me I should stop by the party as well. And as I had nothing to do last night when I got back from camp I figured, what the hell. So I put a couple Grain Belt's in my pockets and walked over with Thomas, Tom, Christina, and Sabu.

I should digress at this point to explain the names "Sawil" and "Sabu." Technically they're both named Sara, but there are like 6 Sara's in the circle of friends I have recently entered into. For purposes of clarity I have decided to use the Emcal, Emtraw naming convention which simplified so many things during high school with all the emily's. So far we have Sawil, Salil, Sabu, Samac, and at least one other that I'm forgetting.

Anyways, by the time we get there almost every girl at this party is well into being drunk. Before we even walk in the door Samac is insisting to Thomas that we have to do a shot of Absolut. I should note at this point that I'm not a big fan of vodka. As a matter of fact I'm not a big fan of any liquor except whiskey. But I figure, what the hell. Of course, as to be expected, it tasted like I would imagine wood varnish remover does. After that I moved myself to the living room to sit down and drink on of the beers that I had brought. I no more than crack it when I have the six girls who are sitting around the table that's there asking me to play a drinking game called "Moose." I ask about the rules and they assure me that it's simple. I say I'm too far away from the table and they respond that they can make room around the table for me. At this point a 5 minute pow wow is held to determine where I'm to sit. At last it's determined who I should sit by and I learn how to play the game, sort of. At first they tell me that I have to bounce a quarter at an ice cube tray, however many slots up it lands is how many drinks I get to distribute. So I bounce away and hand out five drinks. The girl after me, Becca by name, lands the quarter in the top slot then sticks her hands on her head mimicking antlers and says "Moose." As I'm sitting there going "WTF mate" everyone else follows suit. Then they proceed to tell me that that's what you do when someone lands in the top slot and since I didn't do it I have to drink the cup in the middle of the table (cup o beer). And I say "That's bullshit." However, I'm trying to be a good sport so I drink the beer and it gets filled again and the game goes on. Now when the tray gets back to me I bounce and go to hand out 6 drinks only to be informed that I have to take 6. Apparently if you land in the right side you take them while the left side is distribution. Needless to say I'm becoming a bit annoyed with these rules being sprung on me as we go. Luckily those were the extent of the rules, but my ire failed to subside though I tried to put a good face on for these people whom I had just met.

As the game progressed it became apparent to me that the game had gone from "let's get drunk" to "let's get Ryan drunk." It wasn't my imagination either, because 8 out of every ten drinks handed out went to me. And I know I have a big head and all (figuratively and literally) but they were all staring at me but trying to show it. Every time I'd look back they'd shift away in drunken fashion. After consuming the beer I'd brought with me it began to be insisted that I get more drunk. I refused based on the grounds that I had been given a Blow Pop and couldn't drink until it was gone, that bought me about 45 minutes. By that time the flavor of conversation had become more openly lewd. It became more blatant when Sawil's roomate Jenny phoned a guys that she "sleeps with" to come over and have sex with Sawil. Don't believe me if you want, but that's what happened. I at this point snuck out onto the porch. I was safe there for approximately thirty seconds until Jenny, Becca and Kara followed me out. As we stood around talking, a welcome relief showed up in the form of Jesup and Patrick, both of whom I'd never met before but was very glad to see, someone else to take some of the heat off of me. Since I'm getting tired of telling this story I'm going to shorten it up. Jesup, Patrick and I stood on the porch for a good while talking until jenny broke in saying "Why are you guys just standing here talking when you could be making out with any of these girls." Tough to be more blunt than that. Jenny managed eventually to snare Jesup and we lost sight of them. Becca did her best to lead me back to her bedroom but I wasn't having any of it. Monica (crazy chick who used to date a friend of mine) was trying to hug me all night but I want as little to do with her as possible. She also told me all about how she wants to have sex with me, how she hopes her boyfriend (that's right) doesn't get her preggers so they have to get married early instead of in four years, and how she just met her biological father a few weeks ago. Did I need to hear any of that? No I didn't but that didn't stop her, nor did my telling her that. When it finally came down to just me, patrick, and becca standing on the porch I decided it was time for me to go. I feel kind of bad leaving Patrick to Becca predation, but not very because if he didn't see it coming then he's blind or wants to be caught.

All in all it was an interesting experience. It's not every day that you get to have 5 or more girls practically throwing themselves at you. Interesting is the best I can do though, it was well below Awesome and slightly above Horrific.

Until next time,
Iron