FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK

Now that we have that out of the way. It's been a shitty ass day.

Maybe I can begin at the beginning and maybe I can't. You see, I'm really not sure exactly where my day went wrong. I think it was probably sometime around 8 when I woke up. And from there things just seem to have gone wrong. But maybe it started earlier than that. Maybe it started earlier this week when I asked Lisa to go out on a date with me. That's right, not just hang out but a date. I think I crossed some kind of imaginary line with that one and suddenly was no longer a cool friend who gets a kiss every once in a while but now get to be some kind of lecherous creep who it would be better not to associate with. Of course, given the track record that she's seen with Claire, she has no reason to trust me. Or maybe I'm just reading way to much into this whole thing and I should just cool my heals for a while and let myself adjust.

Adjust to what though. I've been single now for over a year. I want to get back in and mix it up finally and yet every turn I've tried to take seems to end in disaster and/or ridicule.

But this whole thing has gotten away from me. I suppose the highlight of my day was going to see Jimmy and grabbing a burrito at Panchero's. If you're ever in CF go to Pablo's on Main St. rather than Panchero's, there burritos are bigger and more flavorful. We talked about stuff and sat around for a while analyzing how Jon Woo shoots his fight scenes. It was cool.

Then I went home and wrote a piece for no shame entitled "Damn Dirty Zombies: A public service announcement." And as much as I don't want to admit that Brian is right, No shame has become kind of craptacular. It seems to be just the same old crap time after time. People aren't even really trying anymore, jsut making shit up on the fly. Which is kind of funny for a few minutes. But then when one slot after another is just somebody up making an ass of themselves it just gets sort of boring. Whatever though.

Then came the culmination of shit. I went to go see Brian after no shame, thinking that it was a good time last night so it might be tonight as well. I should have known that something was wrong when I walked in and two dolled up girls that I didn't know were sitting around with Brian and Becca. I sat around for about five minutes before I decided that I couldn't take it anymore without being really drunk. So I went to my car to get my emergency whiskey. And lo and behold I realized that I had forgotten it with bree and kevin last night. Fuck me. So I went back upstairs and sat around being a sober fuck while Brian and Becca, drunk from a flask of whiskey which they took to a hockey game, sang General by Dispatch. Brian played acoustic guitar really loudly and it made me think of how much I fucking hate it when some bastard whips out a guitar and denies the rest of the people sitting around the pleasure of conversation. So the two girls whom I didn't know just sat there and passed uncomfortable looks between eyes that were heavily painted and overshadowed by monsterous fake lashes. Then the two of them left and it was just me and Becca and Brian. At this point Becca and Brian decide to split a mushroom chocolate between them trippity trip trip. I might have done it too, but there was only one chocolate. Moments later it was decided that we should drive out to the bridge that goes over the train tracks and wait for the nightly train to come. It occured to me that maybe I should just go home, but I was hell bent on having a good time. We took Becca's car and for some reason Brian decided that it would be a good idea for him to drive even though he freely admitted to being drunk and was starting to come up. What a stupid fuck. Of course, I actually got into the car that the stupid fuck was driving, so what does that say about me. On the way we got to listen to Becca's shit ass music. I wanted to punch out the goddamn window in simple frustration, but noone fucking cared as I was in the back. I guess this story is really heavily focusing on Brian and how he's a stupid fuck, but maybe I should throw some commentary at Becca too. Becca Becca Becca. She never has anything that is worth listening to. She likes to think that she's so smart that noone understands her, but that's really not it at all. She really just is sort of a spaz who pops up with asinine comments. One of these days I'm just going to snap on her and it ain't gonna be pretty.

Where was I in my story though? So we get out to the bridge and the only thing the two of them can talk about is how cold they are. That is until Becca decides to start singing. Then it's back to bitching and about five minutes after we got there we left to go back to Brian's apartment. More shitty music later we arrive and I decide that I've had enough. The two of them are perfectly capable of babysitting themselves. So it's home again home again for me for me. And here I am.

I'm not drunk, I'm not high, and I don't want to be either one anymore. All I want is someone to be sitting beside me who I can talk to, but I don't have that. All I have is a bottle of whiskey in the kitchen and that is definately not the kind of friend I want in the mood I'm in right now.

Iron