Ok, so I guess I pay for this gold membership space and then don't bother to use it. I guess it just goes to show that I'm a fucking genius. It's just that I really haven't been in the mood to write anything for quite some time. Since...well I guess that's not really so important.

I'm having difficulty deciding whether things are going right in life these days. In some ways they are just peachy. I'm back to fighting (and kicking ass). I'm among good friends whom I know I can depend on (a couple of them anyway). I'm back to being a teaching major (a passion in my life). So when I look objectively things are really good. But something still is missing, there is some puzzle piece of me that I still have yet to mentally fit. This however is more difficult to deal with because it is an internal problem to begin with. But I guess that's just one of those things I have to deal with.

Every so often I talk with bonnie, I try not to do it too much. When I don't have to think about it things seem almost normal. Then we speak and there are still so many things that I remember and still feel (albeit in different ways). I guess what I really means is that the whole thing still hurts when I have to think about it. yet another problem which I just wish would go away.

In other news I still don't have a job. If someone knows of any places that are hiring please give me a holler. I don't really care if it's a good job or not, just that they pay me. I don't even have to make alot of money, just that they DO pay me. Oh and I won't strangle puppies no matter how much you offer so I guess it does matter in a way. I would kill people for money though, so it's a strange kind of standard.

Weathered and rusted, but strong
Iron