Long time no update. 11 days this time.

I'm beginning to question the value of my keeping an online diary. The way I see it, it has two values. On the one side I get to write down the thoughts that would otherwise just go spinning through my head and out of it most likely. On the other side, it's a way to let my old friends know that I am still alive and kicking, and what I'm thinking and doing (lots of ands in that{sand, dans, nads, n ads}). But lately I haven't felt like communicating with almost anyone, much less updating them on the process of the life that some would like to credit to me. I'm not sure exactly what this stems from, but it's from something and I intend to find out what. If it's from a shift in my personal needs, then the diary that has become known as "Iron" may indeed leave from the hallowed archives of diaryland nad become a part of the diaryland error page. If on the other hand it's just a product of my laziness then more updates will follow as I become more dedicated to them.

I feel like I should update on the Bonnie Situation. Not that it is really any interest to my readers *snort* *chuckle*, but maybe I need to let some things out. It seems that once again Bonnie has decided that it would be better not to talk to me. I can't fault her for this since most times when we talk, we end up talking about out relationship which inevitably leads to fighting. I think alot of this is my fault since I've been determined to understand exactly why we failed when it seemed that we had so much love and understanding. I think perhaps though I've found the reason now. It came up in my last discussion with her. As it turns out Bonnie never really trusted me. I guess it may not seem like a big thing to everybody, but it is to me. As far as I'm concerned it is impossible to have love without trust. I trusted her with everything that I thought, with everything that I was. She on the other hand considered me a large child and felt the need to be a mother figure. This motherly role was not what she wanted, and thus it became constricting and drove us apart. This is getting a bit far afield from the trust issue though. In essence, since it is impossible to have love without trust, if feel I was being lied to for some time. It seems to me now that every time she told me that she loved me she was lying to me. This again I can't fault her on because it is entirely possible that she sees the situation quite differently than I.

Other than that there is more news. I've been talking with a strange girl for some time now. Carly...hmmm... what an interesting character. She's reasonably intelligent, funny, has a free laugh and likes to read. She's also pretty cute come to think of it. The circumstances of our meeting were rather odd. Apparently we had a class together during the spring semester. I noticed her on the first day of class, but didn't go much beyond "Hey, she's kind of cute." It being an english class (Modern Fiction) I was of course shooting my big mouth off at any opportunity the proffesor would give me. She noticed me by that I guess, the fact that I was impassioned by my own crazy ideas enough to speak them aloud and actually spar verbally in their defense in some cases. However, I guess this defensive nature that I put forward made me seem unapproachable to her. To hear her tell it, it would have been easier to stand in front of a stampede than it would have been to come up and talk to me. So I remained only vaguely aware of her presence in the world. Then on the last day of class I was walking out the door when I was stopped by one of my classmates. She told me that her friend had asked her to give me something and handed me a hand folded note. I didn't know what to think, but as I walked home I read the neat and rounded writing and couldn't help but smile. It seemed to me that the note had been carefully constructed such that it would not convey creepiness or a sense of worship from afar (massive hubris on my part I suppose as neither turned out to be true). The note also included a cell phone number with a tag that said I should call if I got bored this summer. This was a while before I suffered a rather debilitating break up which I believe I've mentioned before and would prefer not to get into. Since the note said "summer" I decided to do nothing until that time. What I had no way of knowing at that point was that I was going to decide to move back to Cedar Falls, Iowa from Minneapolis, effectively cutting me off from ever speaking to this mystery girl. But of course I had (and still have on occasion) business to attend to in the cities. So on one such trip I called the number on the note. I asked to speak with a shy girl named Carly and the voice on the other end was extremely surprised that I had actually called and moreso that I wanted to meet the penner of the note that she seemed to think would have scared off any sane person. Luckily my sanity is often the subject of much question and we made arrangements to meet that day for coffee. There were some complications with getting to the place we had agreed upon, mostly that I got horrendously lost while attempting to follow the directions I had been given. Once I got there I immediately recognized the red haired girl I had spotted once or twice before. We talked for what must have been at least two hours over tea. She asked me for my life story, which completely threw me for a loop, but I managed to parse together a fairly accurate account of my life from my fragmented memories. And, suffice to say a grand time was had by all. I'm not sure exactly what to say about her yet, other than that she is interesting.

I moved into my new place. It's really great living with people who actually take care of shit rather than just letting dishes pile up in the sink until I'm so disgusted that I do them. Not that there's anything wrong with that, except that there is. So people need to come and visit me and see my awesome new house, and meet the coolest cat ever (you can agree or disagree with this statement and I won't care). So, in closing, come to HQ and hang out, it's a great place.

Strong as steel, yet malleable

Iron