Hmmm...so I smoke too much. I suppose it's true. It seems that I end up smoking when I'm unhappy or disturbed about something. Unfortunately that seems to consist of most of my life. When I started, I promised myself that if it ever started affecting my life then I'd stop. I'm not quite sure what affects it is having, but there are some things I'm sure of.

A)It costs too much.

B)I don't get as high as I used to.

C)It is taking up far too much of my time.

D)It seems that quitting, or cutting back, is the general trend. While I have never been one to follow a trend, this one may just be a band-wagon that I want to be on.

However, this is not to say that I'm giving it up. I'm just going to consider it for now, but my general leaning is not looking good.

I have to go to work now...look for a second installment later.

Second instalment, two hours after the first. I'm taking a hiatus from smoking. I'll see how that goes and then determine the future.

Bonnie...Bonnie...Bonnie Bonnie Bonnie. Why am I never sure what to say about this subject. Let's get some of the basics off. I'm crazy about her. I'm scared of being hurt, I think we both are. Relatively speaking, she just broke up with Jack, who is one of my good friends. Did I mention I'm crazy about her? Everything I learn about her just seems to add another layer to an already delicious looking cake. Hmmm...food comparisons...maybe I should eat something.

Ok, so here's my thoughts from the last two hours. If she asked me too, I'd give up smoking. It's a simple fact that she makes me feel better than any drug out there, so if there was a choice it would be simple. I hope she never asks for that, not that it's not a good idea, but quitting is something I should do for myself, not for anyone else. My last thought is that I seem to be very good at doing things for other people. I seem to have an altruitic nature when it comes to the people I care about. But I suck at doing things for myself, this is something that I need to work on.

Let's face it, I'm confused, and it doesn't look to be getting less confusing in the future. And with chemical enhancers out of the picture, I'm going to need to find a new coping strategy. Sideways spiraling- Ryan