"Oh my god, I missed friends" apparently to some people this is a big deal. I hate her, I hate her so much. If she wasn't related to me she would be dead.

As usual, I have no idea what is going on. I can't even begin to express the mix and stir of emotions that is swirling in my head. Love floats there somewhere, but in the here and now all there is, is white hot rage. Rage at my brother for abandoning me to this hell. Rage at my little cousin who is a fucking moron (I take into account that she is a freshman, but she's stupid in a way I would never have believed). Rage at my family for dragging me to a place that resembles hell if hell were a suburb of LA. I don't know how much more of this I can take, luckily I only have one more day here. Mostly their is anger at my family for ruining perfectly good time that I could be spending with people that I give a fuck about rather than the people who are related to me and I can't stand.

On the plus side I did get to see the two towers. Which mithdal is refusing to go see... when/if I see him, I'm going to have to ask why.

When I was in CF I wanted to be anywhere else, now I'm in California and I can't wait to get home. I think that I just need to get away from my family.

On another saddening note, I must admit that my parents are right. That's right, I'm wrong. For anyone who doesn't know, my parents are paying for me to go to college. They will pay for me to go to school for four years. This is not something that I like to broadcast, because I believe that it shows weakness. Let's face it, I have never had to work for anything that mattered. I have had no great obstacles to overcome, no broken home, no excuses. I have had no situation that has truly tested me to the limit of my abilities.

as I believe brian said, "Our generation is fucked. We have no war, no depression, nothing to challenge us at all." I believe that this is the most poignant thing that I have ever heard him say. And when I heard it I stopped and thought "Yah know, he's absolutely right." And I still believe this. This means that I weak. As a generation, we are weak. We have nothing to strive for. Speaking for myself, I have in the past, and continue to have things handed to me. And I am frightened that when the charity of my parents expires I will be lost. But that is in the future, this is the present and there is nothing I can do about it.

Oh, I kinda got off track from what i wanted to say. I think that instead of transfering somewhere out west, I'm going to be going somewhere closer that isn't CF. Right now I'm looking at Wartburg. But as with everything else that hasn't yet happened, that is subject to change without notice.

All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Reversed.

Peace all

Ryan