I'm here in California, and still I'm troubled. But now my trouble comes in a new form. I see my little cousen, just a frishman. She stands in mockery of all thatI once held so dear. It seems that to her and those of her kind, the punk movement has become little more than a fashion trend. Something to be bought and sold in hot topic. It disgusts me. I very much want to believe that this is merely a bhase she is going through, that she will grow more and realize the foolishness. But the more I see, the more I realize that this will probably not happen.

But in looking at her I am forced to look at myself in turn, for the bible rings truth in it's words. "Judge not lest ye be judged." I can think of no harsher judge jury and somethimes executioner than myself.

have I come so far? Have I grown since I once held tight to the ideal of a punk culture? Am I growing up? Selling out? Both?

First there is my recent revelation. Punk as a counter culture movement has failed, it was always meant to fail. It's harsh and austere message and overall violint nature made for it's own destruction. As a movement, it didn't have the appeal of message of peace and love.

Next, the music. Once I had a very basic music selection. Green Day, Sex Pistols, etc. Now those that I once held dear are no longer the epitomy of musical brilliance. They have been replaced by the likes of Radiohead, George Clinton, Cake, Butthole Surfers, and many more. The I believe can be seen as a concrete improvement. Whereas once my choices lacked true flavor, now they are diverse. Once I was afraid to say what it was that I enjoyed, now I proclaim it aloud for all to hear and damned be the consequences.

Moving right along. At one time I lived in fear of the disapproval of my peer group. I allied myself with simpletons so that I could appear intelligent in comparison. Now though, I realize that this wa a choice born of fear. My goal late in high school and now in college is to find people that are either intelectual equals, or superior. In this way I am constantly learning from my friends. It is this state of constant education that I desire more than anything else in the world. (well, almost anything)

I only pray that my current efforts were not begun too late in life to make a difference.

And one more thing that I have been awaiting the proper opportunity to expound upon...

Good music is defined differently by all people. This is because music is basically an emotional trigger, and since people are emotionally and psychologically different, different music appeals to them. I believe that a good song is one that triggers a strong emotion, and a GREAT song is one that triggers the same emotion in a large number of people. I have come to this conclusion because I am able to relate the way some music makes me feel to both periods in my life and specific events. For me, life can be defined by what I was listening to at the time. Junior High was Nirvana, then Green Day. Don't even ask me how I mad that switch. High School started wit hthe Offspring moved through tom petty and some indie rock and ended wit ha diversity of music.

I think that's about enough for the time being.

Later peqeninos

Peace worldly

Ryan