As it turns out, I have leprosy, yep. Bree won't come near me... big surprise (sarcasm) the happy go lucky kiddyland/house-of-cards world I had set up was bound to crumble under it's own weight at any time. So fucking what...

I think I'm still in love with her, that fucking what...

always it seems I pick girls that are completely unattainable to me. I don't even know if that's a word but I don't really give a damn right now.

I wish I know what I did wrong, it would make it so much simpler to get it right the next time I fall for someone.

I think I'm pretty smart. No, I'm not trying to brag. I really do get caught up in thinking that sometimes. It's one of those lies that I've been telling for so long that I almost believe it. This is one of those things that Last years identity crisis stemmed from. That helped me fuck up my last relationship, why not just let it screw up everything I ever do.

I wonder if anyone other than me is ever going to read this. I wonder if God knows what I write (or what I will write in the future for that matter). No, enough of that. This is just shitty pipe dreams. Life is just a series of down endings until the big finale, which none of us will be alive to see anyway.

I wonder if I'll ever fall for someone and not fuck it up.

What the hell am I talking about, I don't even know for sure that I have fucked anything up. But still...Fear.